Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
