I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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