So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
