woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
