saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
