Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Randomize
