Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
