Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
