I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Randomize
