At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
