How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
