I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
you win again, gameday.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
