she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
