We need to rekindle our bromance
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
My feet surprised me
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
