I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
