Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
