He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
