apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
