I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
