I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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