im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
