she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
