I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
