went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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