Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
