I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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