Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
