Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
