dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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