Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
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