This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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