Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
