I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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