Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
