Do you still have your period?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
