Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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