I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
