im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
