i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
