So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
