no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
He? As in you personified your dick?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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