Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
