i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Is Oprah even human
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
