In the future we'll all be gay
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
