i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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