im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
