You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
