Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
