wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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