I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
