White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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